6 Gems! vol. 17: My parents pronounce words for us.

I needed a laugh. And I thought you might too.

My face hurts (migraine season). I *still* can’t get rid of my ringworm from Louise the kitty. (And no, it’s not the one that makes you lose weight — turns out that’s tape worm. FML.) I miss my husband. My beloved son is making me lose my sh*t. I’m obsessed with my parents. And I’m homesick. Any of this sound familiar? I don’t need stuff - you can see I’ve taken care of that! I just need to smile. Maybe you feel the same.

So in that spirit, I took my mom and dad to dinner (come on by, here all week!) and made them pronounce words. And now I’m sharing it with you. I warned them about this, and since I also want them to benefit in some way, I will donate $1 for every share of this story up to $3k (LOL) to a favorite organization of theirs, DOCOMOMO, which preserves and advances modernist architecture.

Ready?

Mom

1. Cah NAH bis. Emphasis on the AHHHHHH. Also known as cannabis. Mom says: “We once tried cah NAH bis and went on this awful trip. In the 60s.”

2. Km AH la. Again, emphasis on the AHH. Also known as Kamala Harris. Mom says: “We need her, Rachel! Can she do it? Can you answer our prayers, Kmahla?”

3. VEH gan. Emphasis on the EH, like veterinarian. Also known as vegan. Mom says: “Rachel, they say this vehgan stuff actually has a lot of sugar! I’m skipping that!”

4. AHHCUE puncture. Say it like 2 words. Also known as acupuncture. Mom says: “Well I went for my AHHCUE puncture and now Barry has to light me on fire."

Dad

5. ASS PERA Grass. Sounds like two words, Aspera Grass. (Not a type of grass.) Also known as asparagus.

   Me: “Dad, I think you’re being funny. How do you actually pronounce this vegetable?”

   Dad, whispering to me: “Aspara Grass.”

6. DRAWS (not a verb, rather a noun, plural). Also known as drawers.

   Dad: “If you need it, we have a very narrow chest of draws in our storage closet.”

   Mom: “His accent is very sexy! Like a Kennedy!”

XOXO,

Rachel