Giving up = winning

(not all the time, but sometimes!)

Allow me to introduce you to the sweet, sweet joy of giving up.

I can’t tell you how many times I read something here — and a lot of it recent! — where you’re trying really hard with something, and I ask “do you love it?” and you’re saying, “I want to love it.”

You WANT to love it. Hmmm.

Allison Bornstein recently posted something about pieces we have to work very hard to make “us.” For example, you have a very boho top and isn’t your style but you’re putting it under a striped blazer and adding a really modern black jean and a crisp loafer — and it might look great, but you just worked very hard. And maybe it’s even harder. Like you tuck the collar in. And push the sleeve up inside the jacket and … I think it’s OK to choose to have a couple pieces like that in your closet — if you actually love them. But it’s good to be aware of when you’re working really hard, too. Because it’s a tradeoff. It’s not an easy piece; it’s a piece that takes work, and to be worth it, you really have to love it. Clothes should generally be easy. Joyful and easy.

The skirt below. I freaking love it. Unabashedly. It’s HARD to wear! It’s sort of girly. I’m not. I don’t always like matching it to one of its colors. Can feel too matchy. It’s quite dressy; my life is casual. It’s pretty heavy; I live in Miami. But I LOVE it. I posted a reel on it on IG a while back and today a woman commented: “throw it away. the skirt is horrible.”

Now I wrote her back, because you know her judgement really pissed me off. But she didn’t throw me. Because I love that skirt. That’s why it’s one of maybe a handful of things in my closet I hang onto even though they take work.

How about you?

I suspect a lot of us here are very type A. (You attract what you are and all that.) We are more doers than we are complainers. We make it work. We’ve done it our whole lives. Gritted our teeth and fucking tried again and again until we made it. It’s a huge asset. And it’s also a liability.

Know when to hold em, know when to fold em