how to wear a mini ... while having cellulite
dimples and age aside, if you want to, you get to
Warning: This newsletter discusses some body issues. If that can be triggering for you, please consider skipping this one.
I embrace my bod, I do. It does the bod things, and I give it my best shot with healthy eating to the extent possible without killing my joy, fitness, and generally the most kindness I can. And I embrace — SO FUCKING DEEPLY — the hardworking women/folx in Miami who are out there at breakfast and everywhere else with all their ample goodies on display: whatever size, stomach rolls, dimples, etc. They will usher in a newer, better era where the collective eye adjusts and appreciates all of it. Like JLo did with the robust booty for the more traditional American populace in Out of Sight. (I remember seeing that sexy scene with Clooney; someone told me “she has a normal body!” which of course she doesn’t at all, LOL, but at the time (1998!) just seeing a body look non-emaciated and non-plastic was astounding). Anyway, I am here for the revolution-in-progress and standing by, like the Gen X does, watching the hard work happen.
But I’m not there yet myself with these revolutionary peeps. In the dimples be damned space. Which makes me think you may not be either.
Before we go there, a note
Post splitting with my first husband, I had a 14-years-younger Brazilian boyfriend. And we were looking at a celeb mag that featured pictures of Beyonce’s cellulite. And he said, and I quote: “But boo, if there’s gonna be as much as you need there, of course it’s gonna have dimples.” Here’s to you, Mr. Grooveback.
“Cellulite” is a terrible, non-Beyonce worthy word. I’ve already renamed bunions (Lemon Drops) + since B talks about her “jelly,” for which she deemed us not ready, I am heretofore renaming cellulite Rosehip Jelly. (Full HMS Glossary here.) And I am not ready to put this jelly in a mini. But, but…
The pull is real
If you’re not in the full-acceptance-put-it-all-out-there-strut-your-stuff group (ALL HAIL), or, if you’re a traditionalist, or modest, or for a variety of other reasons, you might say: “Look not everything is for everyone. You’re 50+ with Rosehip Jelly, maybe you sit this one out.” You might say that trends are meant to be culled in just this way! Only a fashion victim doesn’t sift out the stuff that’s clearly not for them.
But. But. Butt…
What if you don’t want to sit on the sidelines. What if it DOES feel like “you” when it comes to its spirit and your DNA, even if it may not feel that way when it comes to … gravity and genetic gifts?
What if you don’t want to stay on the bench? What if you want to get in the game? (Unrelatable for me b/c I LOVE a bench and always have, but you know what I mean.) Maybe you can’t keep a beat, but it’s your favorite song! You want to dance! You didn’t bring a bathing suit but it’s so fucking hot and everyone’s just jumping in!
I think the seed was planted for me back in Becky’s mini skirt missive last September. In it she referenced how one of the 5 skirts featured might be a better option for the real midtown working person because it was a little more realistic in length. With tights, sure. And no, it’s on sale now but it’s still not realistic for moi.
Come to think of it, seeing Becky and Leandra in these really short items (shorts, skirts, dresses) how great they look, is definitely part of what made me crave them. And it’s not that I long to be or look like or even have the figure of the iconic duo, it’s the fashion aspect that makes me so #jelly (!), the way short stuff gives such a foil to “lady” and so many play-with-proportion options, while always feeling somewhat subversive. Flashback to my summer associate days at Bingham Dana in Boston, where the partner I worked for said “you might want to re-think your hemlines, Ally McBeal,” as I trotted off on her all night assignment. It was my one rebellion.
There’s definitely a nostalgia piece at play. If you’re my vintage, a denim or other mini likely figured into your high school and college shenanigans. Who remembers “Multiples” the 90s stretchy tube you could wear in multiple ways (top, belt), but most often wore as a mini skirt? Maybe with some Mia flats? A mini recalls the days of Parliaments and Zima and shivering in a backyard somewhere. Your top was probably sweatshirt from a college visit.
This coming summer, you’ll be feeling for it even more. Mini skirts, mini dresses, mini shorts and a continuation of the “no pants” look top lots of summer 2024 trend lists.
So let’s get practical. Here’s what to do about it.
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