I am such a f*cking blonde you guys

I AM I AM I AM I AM. The hairytale I can't let go.

(today we interrupt business as usual for something I can no longer ignore.)

oh hey. it me.

part 1.

I am born, hairless-ish, feet first

part 2.

in or around 8th grade, we all put jolene cream mustache bleach in the front of our hair (we also cut up the plastic things that connect 6 cans of diet coke and wear them as bracelets)

i do an exchange program in France

France is appalled by Jolen cream bleach + a salon insists they fix it. I kiss a bartender. i get mono

in or around 10th grade (?) I desperately apply sun-in (I can’t remember exactly what happens but i assume it turns orange)

part 3.

i am boy crazy in college and after heartbreaks I get hair cuts and then at some point I add “a few face framing highlights”

i am boy crazy in law school and add more

there is this boy who says my nails should always be red, my hair would look so good blonde, and I should be like “a present only he gets to unwrap”

i play Ace of Base I Saw the Sign over and over and I “break up” with him but he doesn't care because he’s studying for exams

after graduation he marries his (blonde) high school girlfriend (the one he said was basic, uncomplicated — but I am fine!)

part 4. it gets more private from here.