I stopped saying no and bought whatever I wanted. Here's what happened w/6 actionable takeaways. Plus, my January Shopping Diary.

Want to try a Yes-Buy? Here's what you need to know.

January is FINALLY. FUCKING. OVER.

This month — even without the cold that many of you experience (I want to honor that, a feat) — has been unending in its suckage. The state of the country, the state of the world, and on a micro-level, no, my relationship with my son and his ability to grow and experience life’s joys and my related mental state are also not where I want, honestly. Though it could be a f*ck-ton worse. I am privileged. And I am right now using this privilege to find a Miami therapist. Whoever you are, can’t wait to meet you. Please load up on office tissues.

But anyhoo.

You may recall that after a year of banging my head against a wall shopping wise learning through experience, I finally had a big aha, which is that I want to treat shopping more like I treat my eating, to shop intuitively, allowing what I want and see where that would take me. A refresh on the approach if you like:

“I am very tired of having rules and regulations. It’s like I’ve made myself my own weird little jail and shut myself inside. I don’t have to do this!” I said last month.

Some guidelines (for myself, but if they’re helpful, please use them) within this new approach:

• Allow everything I want (the want just has to be real, complete, and not passing)

  • Tune into my inner voice

  • Before any shopping experience, tell myself: You can have whatever you really want.

  • If it’s not joyful, stop.

• Qualify every purchase

  • Wait for a full body yes (ala

    Allison Bornstein
    ) or don’t buy it.

  • Want means wanting in totality, which also considers the after-effects.

• Keep my shopping diary

• Be free from shopping online on weekdays

• Employ conscious culling: Regular, circular culling not to make room for “more” or “new” but to allow for my changing body and style.

• Embrace repeats

• Extend the grace I give others to myself. Think about freeing myself from rules, shame, guilt, self judgment.

I didn’t think about what a risk it represented to launch this new approach and big mental adjustment during a very long, chock-full emotional month. And I used to approach these roundups with dread, in having to reveal how I’d been “bad.” But now I’m actually excited to dig in and look back for a change.

I started these frank roundups last year, and I used to begin with “What I bought in [month].” But now I feel this is an outdated framework. I don’t want to evaluate myself based on number of purchases, and I actually started to get at this idea by splitting them into “online” and “in person solo” and “in person with friends.”

Why the distinctions? Because what I want is not “more things” or “less things,” (you’ll notice I’m not counting purchase numbers) “bad” or “good,” what I want are healthier shopping behaviors. That is, shopping joyfully, being attached vs. detached and in the moment. Making memories. Think of a delicious, savored meal with a friend. Versus a sh*tty semi-stale candy bar you don’t even want, or later recall eating, in front of mindless TV after a stressed out day.

So this year we start here:

Shopping mental state for January: Overall, with a couple exceptions, this was a very calm shopping month. I found myself thinking WAY less about shopping. I thoughtfully set about replenishing some essentials as a way to show more respect and care for myself. My shopping moments were for the most part social and joyful. And my purchases felt thoughtful, even the spontaneous ones. I may have bought a couple things that won’t work for me (will re-sell), but wasn’t left with regret or shame.

What I bought in January: