In post social media world, are we all just ... copies?

Is there still such a thing as personal style?

Recently I was chatting with my friend Tiia of Sunday Style Thoughts, who posed the question (genius as usual): “has Tibi changed your style?”

I thought: “That would make a killer post” and set out to write it. But I realized that before I did, I needed to answer this question. Is there a “style” to change? And not just whether I have any style (which I’ve addressed and am ok with!) But does anyone? … Does personal style even exist anymore?

See, Kelly from Any Given Day recently wrote about something that’s on my mind often. She was talking about how sometimes you scroll through your Instagram and everyone is a carbon copy. As I write this sentence an image comes to my mind of a Yankees cap, wide leg work trouser, a chunky sneaker, a small Kelly bag, all neutral tones. You know what I mean? But ALSO, if I talk about this in a way that uses the word “copy” then it implicates a kind of judgment that I am fighting like hell, and that is much more important IMHO than whether we all wear the same outfit. (Hmmm.)

And also, I may not be wearing the outfit I just described (which by the way looks lovely). But my whole style is plagiaristIc. In some way.

I am influenced!

And I suspect that all but a very few are on some level. In my case it’s really overt because I don’t have that born-with-it personal style.

But think about it for a second, who actually does?

The One Percent

Wow. Just wow. Image via IG.

In this category I would put, off the top of my head: Iris Apfel, Dione Davis, Leandra Medine, Ralph Lauren, Sarah Clary (notice I didn’t say Jenna Lyons, because I suspect that JL has great taste, is a great editor/arbiter, but it’s Sarah who has the true personal style … more below on how I define it) … and my dad. And also a stylist I once worked with at M.Gemi whose name is escaping me, but her personal on-set looks (or should I say lewks) will always remain, which some days might involve a vintage ski sweater and white/yellow Damier LV bag from the Marc Jacobs era that I still think about (too) often.

My dad wakes up, has no style questions, and looks cool and exactly like himself. He layers and paints with colors, head to toe, in an effortless original way. I did not inherit this gene. I got the bunions. Thanks, Dad!

Interesting, now that I think about it, that the people who come to mind are over 80 or are stylists. Maybe there’s something about those who developed and refined their style without seeing what other people are wearing all over social media. But what I really feel is that there’s a genetic aspect to it. Your eye does something. You know yourself. You create an inside world that’s yours, and because it is, you KNOW how to dress for it and are willing to “go there” without needing to look to others for ideas or approval.

The Sliding Scale

These one percenters are people wake up in the morning and know who they are. Now my mom looks amazing (and beautiful), but her style comes from observing, trying, and honing her eye, as does mine. She’s a killer student, and always hard at work. Same. She says I have “better” personal style - but is there such a thing? I think it’s just that I am deeper in it. Eyes a little more open. Willing to go out of my comfort zone.

So maybe personal style is a sliding scale, kind of (not at all) like the old Kinsey scale of sexuality.

The X above is “I don’t care about style" (nudists, for example.) The 6 are those uber stylish, which I suspect is like 1-3% of the world. At one are people who would say they hate their style. At 2-3 are the editors and curators, not uber confident, learning and exploring. Can often look good. Maybe move into a #4 with practice, increasing confidence, etc. At 4-5, people are interested and know who they are, but also influenced, combining a sense of certainty of self with ideas culled from various sources and layered on top.

Actual Personal Style = (?)

What does that teeny % have? I suppose if “personal style” is subjective, my POV isn’t yours. But I’d say a high index of originality and a high index of confidence — security in their original choices.

If I were charting it for a brand as part of my full time job, it might go like this

Because I think that upper right quadrant is a tiny percentage of the population, I think it’s pretty unique to have grown up so close to one of them like my dad. So let me share what I’ve observed

• To say he has a keen eye is an understatement. He notices EVERYTHING. He will look at a building everyone walks by every day and be stopped in his tracks because there is something “off,” say, some line in the brick that reveals a window used to be different before

• He’s been making instinctive aesthetic choices his whole life — taking all the chrome off his car as a kid, as an adult refusing to have that border around a license plate the dealer gives you, taking tap dance classes largely for the shoes (he still remembers how he had to walk a stone floor to take the attendance sheets to the principal’s office and how he loved the sound they made)

• Style penetrates every single moment and area of his life; he bought a modernist Bauhaus home in the early 70s when literally everyone else in his family and friend group was buying center entrance colonials; he loves cars with beautiful lines

• There’s always something unexpected. Even in his more traditional, preppier moments, there’s always been a twist in how HE does it, and it comes so naturally he doesn’t even pointedly know it’s happening, it’s that instinctive, two shirts layered over each other, unexpected colors (he’ll say “I got cold so I put the sweater on” and it’s a melon colored shirt and a gray blue sweater and it’s so COOL), playful socks etc.

• He loves and sees the beauty of function. He’s always observed and relished subtle details like a working button, or a removable flap of suede so a shirt I bought him can be cleaned.

• He’s not status-oriented, because the confidence is inside. He has distinctive loves that have nothing to do with status - like hand knit sweaters and his beloved Il Bisonte pouches, patinaed over time, his “man-bags”

• And he’s completely assured in all of it, impervious to how old something is (the older the better; it looks modern on him) or how others are doing it (Have I mentioned that time I saved up and got us Red Sox seats in the bleachers? he wore a straw hat and a linen jacket.)

That, to me is personal style. And I would say my first moment of being influenced is by my dad. It continues to this day. When I have tried to examine whether I have “style” I’ve tried to think about a time when, like my dad, I had true likes and dislikes that felt instinctive versus shaped by what others are doing, magazines, socials, etc. And when I do, I think about this childhood men’s style red and white plaid shirt I loved and that felt so “me” I can still remember the feeling of it… but that wasn’t original “Rachel Style” - it was influenced by my dad!

So What’s the Point?

If only one small percent of people have true personal style, as I believe is the case, then we’re all being influenced. We are at different places on the sliding scale, maybe, we care more or less, we’re good at spotting (taste), editing, culling, adapting or less so … but it’s all just shades of. The vast majority of us who care are are editor/adapters not creators of style.

So …

• I go back to judgement - who are we to say one approach is “better than” the other? (Including nudity! Enjoy!)

• If I copy or am “inspired by” or whatever … your style, can you be warmly flattered, knowing you too are probably influenced, most of us are, vs. deeming me a plagiarist?

• If most of us have no true personal style, then can a brand or influencer “change” our personal style? Or is “it” something always in flux — a sense of who we want to be/how we want to present ourselves/what feels right that’s shaped by all sorts of inside and outside forces, pervious and not impervious?

And maybe then, THAT is, in its own right, a life of style. The excitement of the swirling, shifting forces, winds and tides lifting the boat, filling the sails, taking us wherever we’re going, not forever, but for right now.