Radical Honesty: I still get insecure at work.
Here’s what I do about it.
Here’s what I do about it.
So this is weird. At 48, with 7 careers (yes, 7 careers, hi litigation) under my belt, I had a sleepless night last week. I wrote about it a little in our insta stories (@ honorcodecreative).
Last week was great, objectively. We got a first project from a client I really wanted to work with (love both the brand and the person leading creative services).
But we also got two “no’s” — prospects who I thought we really connected with who said they don’t have bandwidth to move forward right now. They said “busy season.” My partner said “Eh, win some, lose some. Look what we did get!”
Yet I notice that I took it personally. Like wait, I liked you! I thought you liked me! I thought we had something! I’ve also taken it personally when someone on my team left. Like I still get a pang about it 7 years later. Seriously? C’mon girl. Woman up, I say to myself.
Luckily, these “wobbly moments” are wayyyyyyy fewer at close to 50 and as the founder of my own business. (Oh, and BTW, my rational, left-brainy partner was right: I learned from insiders among the “nos” that it really was the season, that they do want to work together, that the connection wasn’t one-sided.) But when I do feel the wobblies, I don’t ignore them. Here’s what I suggest instead.
Talk to your partner. Or BF. The yin to your yang. Are you wobbly for no reason? Are you just too inside your own head? Reality check yourself before you reality wreck yourself.
Change jobs. Sometimes you feel insecure because you’re in a toxic workplace. Your boss isn’t supporting you. There’s a culture of blame. Honestly, there’s no winning in a place like that. Plan your next move, even incrementally. Every little step will make you feel better.
Consider your reports. Or your clients. Sometimes you feel agita at work because there’s a toxic person on your team you should let go, and their spirit is just infecting the environment. Or it’s a client who can’t be happy for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the work. Take a deep breath and do what you need to. Life’s too short for poison like that.
Breed security. There’s a trickle-down effect that happens when someone feels insecure (maybe because of a toxic boss), so they become nervous and short with their team, breeding more insecurity. Spoiler alert: that doesn’t help you. Or the work. Instead, do the opposite. When you feel insecure, actively think about making others feel more secure. Protect your team or partner. Just doing these feel-good things can help create a more calming atmosphere (and scientifically, I’m sure, endorphins) that puts you at ease, leads to better work, and helps send a trickle in the other direction.
Specialize. You might feel insecure because in fact you’re in over your head! (Gut check: Did it feel liberating to read that?) A career should be a little bit of a stretch (especially right after a change) and the work has to challenge you, but you won’t feel good if you’re passionate about quality and you’re playing out of your league. We’re trained to want more — more titles, responsibility, everything. But more before you’re ready doesn’t win you any prizes. It might just erode your confidence, and your work product too. You may need to adjust the lane you’re in, honing in on areas you can fully and capably own, and /or …
Pick a stronger cabinet. The best leaders, like the best presidents, surround themselves with smart, talented people. This is really foundational to Honor Code Creative. As a writer/creative director, I know concepting and I know when design is off brand or not elevated, but I don’t know how to design. I’ve felt a greater sense of security now than ever before because I’m working with talented designers/art directors I really trust and communicate well with, and we have enough of them to do all the work and do it well. This is the most secure I’ve ever felt at work, because we take on clients we know we can help and then build the best expert team to help them.
Be grateful. Yes, be grateful for your feeling of insecurity. There’s a cognitive dissonance that happens among too many leaders. When someone on your team leaves, maybe you don’t want to look inward and have to think hard stuff. (Could I have done better as a boss? Could the culture here improve?) So instead you kind of brush it aside, and decide this departing person was kind of a bad seed. I’ve seen it many times before. And it may make for a better night’s sleep than my hand wringing, but it dosn’t help create a better workplace. Two people leaving your team is a pattern, and as a leader you should be looking inward and seeing how you can improve. So yes, I’d like to look at my sometimes insecurity as an asset. Sure I can get a little mushy, and I’d love to add a dollop of reason and calm to the baked potato I sometimes am (#goalz). But I am also glad that I’m passionate and that I’m hell-bent on bettering myself daily, and I’m thankful for the internal pangs that make me want to.
Every one of those hand-written, much-liked instagram #womentrepreneur posts says something along the lines of “if it doesn’t happen for you then it’s not for you.” And I know that’s actually true. But if you have one of those days when you can’t make yourself believe it, it’s ok. Take your temperature. Think about what you can change. And know you’re not alone. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night thinking someone who quit my team. 7 years ago. We might just be up with our very human agita at the very same time, under the very same moon.