What I wore all week. Denim + more denim. And some rage. And repenting.

I feel like I write all the time here about nice things I did with my hub. Or how he is a very thoughtful buyer of gifts. Etc. All true! But last week I got in a HUGE fight with him! Why am I saying this to you? Because sh*t happens. Maybe you got in a fight too. Oh I am so flawed, and so frequently clueless (still) and I think there’s companionship in telling the truth about our multifaceted lives. We both came to this marriage (my second) having been single for a while, and even after 15 years together, from time to time we still get territorial and sort of fight for our independence. Usually misunderstanding the other’s intentions. Anyway, on the plus side (?) this fight happened right before Yom Kippur, ensuring we had plenty to atone for, if ever there were any doubt.

I love celebrating Yom Kippur, which is weird to say, I suppose, about a day where you fast (inevitably, you’ve never felt so hungry in your life, either) and sit in synagogue literally beating your breast. It’s called the Viduy confession. You are listing your sins (as a we, so no individual is singled out) and pledging not to commit them again, and you give yourself a little fist to the heart as a physical reminder while saying each one. I like this, forcing myself to take this hard look, and the physical reminder to do better. I have mentioned here that I’ve been really intentional about getting rid of my judgement; it started with a year of no judgement and became a daily practice. When/if I do find myself judging someone (e.g. look at all that surgery! she looks plastic! etc.), I give myself a physical tap or pinch. It functions as a kind of muscle reminder to accompany the mental one.

Something I’m noticing now that I can work on is feeling triggered. I felt triggered by something my husband said, and he did too with me. I felt triggered reading something here, in notes the other day; I noticed my body seizing up. I would like to a) recognize this feeling and b) have it signal me to look inward and ask what’s happening. To get curious. And to pause where I am. Right now I’m often like, “I AM ENRAGED! OH I CANNOT WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS.” Ok, maybe! But I would like that to be a thoughtful decision. As in, both thoughtful. And, a decision.

There is no decent segue from rage to denim. Although there could be. You know those rage rooms where you break things with goggles on your face, like they did on every reality show at some point? Those would appeal to me so much more if they were denim rage rooms, where you took out your anger on jeans. Distressing them, throwing paint on them, ripping them, burning them. Somehow that would make anger feel more productive.

Anyway. We wore jeans last week. (Do you watch Sunday Night Outfit Planning with me? It can be useful to make sure you wear what you have, which also means less shopping. And also a little planning is very comforting.)

MONDAY

What: I am wearing the hell out of the Miu Miu PJ top, thank goodness. (Don’t ask about the pants). The pearls are Kate Spade from 100 years ago (basically same … my actual necklace). Boxers are Fleur du Mal, which I got $75 off on with my CAKE Card. Prada socks from eBay. Blue Scarpa loafers. Vintage 90s mens Levis I cut off. (Note: I am in a 36 waist; in women’s I buy 29.)

Why: I had read

Jane Herman

‘s recent piece on what to wear under jeans and that prompted me to finally, actually try something I’d been contemplating, the peek o’boxer. The cute poplin boxers were my first CAKE purchase, and I’d worn them to sleep (felt cute!) but that’s it. Plus I FINALLY finally got a pair of Levis I like. The key for me was to size up even more. That got me out of crotchy territory and exactly where I was hoping to go. I felt like even though the shirt would add more “big” — I wanted that. And then because all this felt a little risky to me, keeping it all to blues helped with my “i look fradiculous” fears.

Outcome: Lofted. Settled.

And I had a rain version too. With Tibi PVC bag/shoes. Prada men’s hoodie like this. And this used one.

I really liked using the pearls over the men’s rain jacket.

TUESDAY

What: Phoebe Philo drop jeans. Secondhand Bottega puddle boots (my pair, size 8 — but scroll down here for every color and size). White Jacquemus woven belt, this is a deal, you just want length. Secondhand Bao Bao bag. Shoulder pad shirt above (this was my best comp) and my preloved Balenciaga mens uniform shirt below

Why: These white jeans make me feel amazing but I don’t wear them enough; denim week was the perfect excuse. When I planned these looks I was feeling very tonal and neutral. So I thought all white would be easy and sophisticated feeling. And it was raining.

Outcome: I went out in the top look, and it was funny, people said “oh you look so nice” but I didn’t feel good. I felt too lady. Like in spite of the edge of the pieces individually, all the white and gold made me feel kind of like a rich suburban midlife lady (don’t say it). Too on the nose. When I got home I changed into my uniform T-shirt and felt Lofted Settledness.

(as always, couple days for all and the rest for paid subscribers — thank you for the support so I can do this!)