What I wore all week: Get in touch with your child.

They're in there. And dressing for them can help.

psst — want the real tips now?

• Break up outfits you buy together

• Use a gray T to casualize fancy bottoms

• Dress up pajamas or matched sets with luxe bags with hardware, real jewelry, bling-y sunglasses. And tuck the drawstring in.

• “Big T + party skirt” is a good formula (tucked or untucked)

• Have your T-shirts altered (collar made higher, sleeve made more flattering, slits added)

• Experiment with layering a “party top” over a T-shirt

Now here we go.

First up, some transparency.

I keep getting confirmation, the more I learn, that unbiased recs are both a) a challenge to maintain and b) a value to readers. (They’re a value to me!) When I look at my long term - like how will I keep doing this when it takes time and brings limited income - the options are partnerships, which I’ll only do a few of and they have to be really meaningful, or affiliate links or paid subscriptions or both.

Affiliate links are great because the brand takes on the lift of paying the writer rather than you, the reader. But inherently that means that using those links is how you get paid. So you really have to work and be scrupulous around recommendations (I am) who you partner with (yes) and also whether knowing about these links makes you more inclined to point to something rather than another.

On the other hand, if I say, deepened my paid subscribers, I could largely go on without reliance on those links for payment. But that (clearly) has its own challenges. It’s also very important to me that I provide free subscriptions to anyone in a precarious financial position. I call this a Standing Coffee, and you can DM me if this is you and simply ask for one.

Anyway, not that there’s an answer, just a window into my thinking and feeling. And why paid subs are so important. To that end, I’m trying something different here this time. “What I wore all week” is for paid subs only until Monday evening, and then opens up for all. That lets you get to the secondhand “one piece” items first, etc. And when I DO offer links (with a very conscious effort and lots of tactics in place to keep them unbiased), they will be seen by more people. p.s. Is all this boring? Feel free to say.

Anyhoo. The Story of My Life by Jay McInerney has long been one of my favorite books. Remember it? Not Bright Lights Big City. This is the one featuring Alison Poole as narrator. I used to write lines from it on my wall in college (in pencil!) in 1989.

Alison is studying to be an actor. And her acting class starts with “getting in touch with your child.” A call to get to your essence in order to be real inside the character and moment. Later, when her AWOL (and many other things) father can’t be tracked down and hasn’t paid her school bill and she can’t go to class until it’s paid, “I call his office in Washington and the secretary accepts the charges and tells me to try the farm in Virginia, he’s down taking care of some horse business. Can I give him a message?” Alison: “Yeah, I say, tell him to get in touch with his child.”

The point is (apart from how fun it was to go back to this book) that wearing a style uniform is what gives you instant access to your child. In the best way. My freeest, least self conscious feeling. I suppose it’s no surprise when I think about it that the oversized cotton tees are in fact something I also loved in childhood. I hope you’ve started down the path of figuring out your own style uniform.

This past week was about taking that uniform (or uniform idea in progress) and either testing it out or pushing its boundaries and seeing where you can take it. And it came at a good time, I think. When so many of us are craving a return to knowns and normals and comforts.

MONDAY

What: Preloved men’s Balenciaga tee from Veblen. Secondhand Tibi skirt from eBay (another option, size 4, and this looks similar and pretty). Tods Yorky mocs (my color here. But also white on huge sale. Also big sale on brown, a few left.) My grandpa’s watch and a secondhand Prada square face men’s watch. Balenciaga Rodeo bag. Yes, I am obsessed. You want the medium. It is the ultimate in function and luxury and irony. It holds a laptop so securely. It’s so light. It’s so SMART. There’s a turnlock so you can keep the computer/wallet out of reach but a cardigan in reach. There are outer pockets for your phone/keys. I am REALLY REALLY into it. I don’t know what color you want! I got burgundy in store. There is this amazing “ostrich” one. Latte and black. There’s a croc embossed. But the thing is the medium size. Key IMHO.

Why: I think a gray tee works even better than white to take the “fancy” out of something like this skirt. The shoe is a classic, masculine shoe but with all the funny fringes, it’s playful and almost comical so it makes the it all less forced; you can tell I’m not taking the whole thing seriously. And the bag is luxurious but also relaxed.

Outcome: I loved this. Uber Miami but in such a me way, with plenty of irony and the heritage of a moc and men’s graphic tee.

TUESDAY

What: Secondhand Balenciaga tee from Veblen (great comp). Secondhand Y’s blazer from Castanet Boston. (Could it be this? Men’s?) Dark brown suede belt handed down from dad. (

Sheila Y

— it’s from Louis ;-)) Tibi Pedro loafers (sold out, check Tibi fans. I also think these are a great alt. Same modernity, exaggeration, price range … and these I haven’t tried but love. Balenciaga Rodeo bag (every. day.). Here’s a nice option with silver hardware. Oliver Goldsmith glasses. Prada fringe skirt.

Why: I had a plan to wear this extra long tee with some transparent capri pants, and the tee length would give coverage. But when I tried it during my outfit planning, the proportions were terrible! I hadn’t exactly visualized it. So I stayed with the idea that the length of the tee would be useful/functional, and I swapped in this Prada skirt, which I love and want to use more, which also needs coverage. I had “safety shorts” under there, and the long jacket also helped me feel covered. I wore this to a doctor’s appt, a facial, to sit and work in a couple coffee shops, and to internal and casual Zooms.

Outcome: I liked this a lot. I loved the reactions — it made people smile at me, and that made me feel part of a larger whole, if that makes sense. But it was not my most “feeling like myself” outfit. Putting the belt and skirt on the tee takes away what makes it so uniform-y to me, the swagger. The relaxedness, the mannishness. I probably felt more uniformed without the blazer. But overall this is high maintenance. You have to think about it.

WEDNESDAY

What: Secondhand Balenciaga torn tee from Veblen. Secondhand Prada cotton pants from Castanet (these look like the ones. Extra 15% off with ELEGANTGOLF24). Secondhand Hermes Empire thong sandals … and here — from TRR. And Kenzo jacket from CAPSOOL, a secondhand men’s piece they re-envisioned and altered. I legit cannot put this Rodeo bag down. Also: Prada arm bracelet pushing up my sleeve.

Why: I was inspired by

Neelam Ahooja

‘s take on a look from The Row’s ss 25 presentation. I started thinking — what would be my version of this incredible layering? I think I’ll be trying this lots of ways, but “take one” was how the shreds on the bottom of the long shirt created a “lace skirt effect” with the cropped jacket.

Wednesday night

Then we had a date night and I uncharacteristically had a mild freakout and had to call in experts (my version of the Sex and the City Crew only group chat). It was a double date with a young couple in our building who rent a parking space from us — he is an MLB pitcher and she is a former Miss Washington turned newscaster. We were going to a hot new Italian restaurant.

I wanted to wear jeans, mannish relaxed jeans, I felt like feeling like myself in this way. Which I realized when my friends sent me looks I had worn as contenders — I didn’t want to wear a skirt or anything waist-y. But I didn’t want to disrespect the lovliness of my restaurant or my new friends. I wanted like an ounce of sexy, so it’s not like “oh now we are on an old people date” - but sexy like me. Not sexy like I’m trying to seduce someone.

try-on phase

I first had it with gold shoes. But it felt ichily-wrong to me. And I realize the black lace, the pointy party shoe, made me feel too party expected or too middle age seductress. I was missing some sort of prep or masc or ironic something. Especially if I then added, say, a black clutch.

LMA to the rescue!

BTW, did you catch the version I did featuring special

Allison Bornstein

LMAs?

Anyway — adding the brown shoe and red sock was just a little something no one might even notice, but made me feel like me. It also made sense of the brownnish bag so everything wasn’t so match-y. I used a couple Hanna Yoo earcuffs to pick up the red too.

You know what the problem was with the look above? My bra in the final look. It’s too revealing, too low, so you see too much “lovely lady lumps” for my personal taste.

Details! Learning!

THURSDAY

What: My beloved Miu Miu hotel slippers (which I just saw in the window with gray socks — can’t wait to try) and past season skirt also new here. Talentless tee is a uniform piece for me, like my Balenciagas (On sale, I take men’s small — it’s the tee I’m wearing above. My honest caveat: I do not know about their sustainability practices.) Past-season Jil Sander scarf-like third piece (I am trying to find another!) Balenciaga bag.

Why: I do not get enough wear out of this cool Jil piece. I bought it new with a dress and a shoe and have not broken them apart enough (another shopping and wearing all new risk). I wanted to see how it would work thrown over my uniform. But I didn’t like it with khaki shorts. They felt too distracting, and I also realized the khaki shorts I have may no longer be big enough for where I feel most myself right now. Because I was in outfit planning mode at the time, I just did the smallest swap I could — moving to a khaki skirt instead. This one is a good one in particular because it rides low, and even though I’m hiding that with the tee, the big on big feeling remains and brings back my uniforms familiarity.

Outcome: Lofted Settledness. I absolutely loved wearing this. The scarf piece gave great Zoom.

FRIDAY

What: Secondhand Coach skirt from Castanet (cute + similar …. oooh this Prada (small) and a comfy looking Red Valentino (8) and men’s Gucci tee from TRR (this one is hilarious, more tigers and amazing strawberries and this creature, which I’d wear with a pleated skirt and maybe a navy blazer as as surprise element), which I had altered to make the neck higher! **** PSA: alter your tees! men’s tees are often tight on my ass, so I go bigger. But then the neck can be droopy. Trusty hotel slippers. Emme Parsons belt. Dorsey Kate White Sapphire Silver Riviere Necklace (more on this below)

Why: I haven’t worn this skirt lately, but I really like it, and I wanted to make it feel less winter/holiday and more comfy daily Miami. I realized, on the second time trying it, that I LOVE the formula:

oversized men’s tee + party skirt + casual shoe (the

Kelly Williams

“sandwich”)

NOTE: When deploying this, the shirt can be tucked as here or untucked as I did it Monday. Untucked, you get that big over smaller, cocooning effect, it feels slouchy and eased. Tucked, it still feels billowy, borrowed, less inspected than say a silky top. But the lines are just different. Go according to mood.

SATURDAY

What: Pink Gabe shirt (I like this comp). Tod’s Yorky mocs (above). Last year’s Miu Miu skirt. Dorsey Kate necklace mined sapphire necklace. And the Balenciaga!

Why: Felt comfy for casual stuff but also fashion — in the colors, which I wouldn’t normally pair, and the unexpected shoe.

Outcome: I freaking loved this outfit. It just felt exactly right.

Saturday night

What: My amazing new Georgia jeans from our friend

Jane Herman

‘s brand The Only Jane. I wanted them slouchy and loose — I’m in a 30. White tee, a lace Prada tank with the lining removed, secondhand Old Celine Madame boots. Croc belt from dad. Old Bottega blazer. Paco Rabanne crossbody.

Why: Going out for Chinese food with another couple, and I wanted to look “Saturday night” without getting too fancy for a strip mall.

Outcome: This worked. Maybe there’s something unresolved about the white tee and the way it’s tucked in. But I liked it and felt great. I was very happy to have tried the lace piece in this way, because I never had before.

SUNDAY

What: John Elliott set (top + bottom) (it’s now 40% off, too). Gold Tibi Mikhail shoes. Saint Laurent Amelia glasses, made prescription. Dorsey bling. You will be seeing this a lot now that I know I can shower in it. The gold one is from IG, no idea where. And the other a gift from my hub.

Why: I had these pants and when the sale came, added the shirt. I’ve been enjoying my other set a lot, so I thought it would be nice to have another no-brainer option. I outfit plan all week but not on the weekend, and pajama-inspired is becoming a favorite way to feel amazing on a Sunday. The key for me to not feel like I’m in literal pajamas is a bag and sunglasses that both have some hardware. And some good jewelry. I also tucked the drawstring in.

The details.

Outcome: I felt amazing in this. And it was so good for a low key day of cat (and hub) cuddling and writing, a walk to a cafe.

This week: Sparkle + shine. Inspired by

Sarah Shapiro

, let’s incorporate bits of silver, gold, shimmery textures, a little or a lot. And definitely mix them. Here is outfit planning on this theme — give it a try!

inspo cred

Next week: Color inspired by Rothko. An idea that came from a reader. And now I’m blanking on who/how — tell me! I m grateful.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, sharing and being here with me.

XOXO,

Rachel

Note: I am using affiliate links, and I do not use them lightly. I may make some little amount if you shop mine, but I do not look for a link until after I select an item so as to remain unbiased. Thank you for using these links to shop. Every little bit helps!