White pants are the grownup's bad boy+

here's everything you need to know about that deliciously irresistible a-hole

+or girl! Or person!

White pants evoke so much for me. When you get them right, there’s nothing like it. It’s not the same as a white skirt — though I like those too. With pants you get this swagger. A swagger that goes with the whiteness of them. It’s like: I’m here! Taking up space! I’m not afraid to spill things! Let’s live! When I put on great white pants I feel like I made a fortune bootlegging and throw a lot of parties.

On the flip side…

I come from a line of women who aren’t exactly known for their agility. While I’m less prone to clumsiness than my mom and beloved Bubbie, I am much more prone to ordering the Nutella drizzle on top of the dark chocolate sorbet (it’s a thing), drinking Lambrusco, and gesticulating with a ketchup-laden fry. So white pants are imbued with imminent danger. And that’s part of the white pants feeling. (Wow, it’s sad what constitutes living on the edge for me these days.) If your days of dating inappropriate people and smoking Parliaments are over, I suggest you invite some white pants into your life. Here’s all dirt (sorry) I have on all the white pants things.

Shopping tips

• Look at the pants in another color. If shopping online, the white of most product pages can make the details really hard to see.

• Also, look at and compare the pants on lots of sites. White pants can look really dowdy when poorly styled. I find it completely distracting.

• When shopping used, be sure and read the fine print on condition for info on stains. Be realistic with what your attitude toward that is.

• Don’t buy non-returnable white pants unless you’re a gambler, deeply know the brand, or have tried them on elsewhere. The fit, feel and flattery on white pants is much iffyier than with pants in another color.

• Brands: White pants can easily look cheap. Traditional cutters who know what’s up will make a good white pant. Look for used Loro Piana, Max Mara, The Row, Brunello Cucinelli (also check those weird-but-they’re-real discount sites like Il Duomo, Baltini, Italist, Cettire. (In searches, try to sort by color vs. word search because of the brand Off-White.) In modern brands, think about those for whom white slouchy pants are part of their gestalt, like Tibi, Lee Mathews, Jacquemus, Lemaire, House of Dagmar.

• Shape: The best white pants don’t flare out and aren’t tight anywhere. Whether high waisted or slouchily low on the hips, they make an upside down triangle to a wide bottom.

• Length: There are two good lengths in white pants IMO. Cropped so your ankle shows, or just off the ground enough to keep them from getting dirty. To achieve the latter you’ll likely need to 1) decide on a shoe height and 2) get them tailored. This is the highest risk, highest reward option.

Sizing + fit

• When it doubt, size up. In white cotton (e.g. denim) something about the dying process tends to make them run smaller. Also the size is part of the swagger factor. Bigger looks badassier — and more luxe if you’re buying a less expensive pair. I don’t want my pants to touch me anywhere but at my waist. That’s #goals.

• Right now, the style I prefer is harder to find because carrot/barrel shaped or straight leg ala The Row is trending. Good time to look at used and also maybe more classic brands like Max Mara. It’s not a trendy item you’re buying. And buy bigger! That’s going to make them feel modern. Smaller tends to look cheaper.

• If they’re pleated, make sure they’re generous enough for the pleats to cascade gently down and to feel no resistance when your hands are in your pockets.

• Plan a shoe in advance for length evaluation purposes. I know people prefer a heel to make white pants look flattering, but I prefer a flat to max out the swagger and wearability. If you hem for a heel but then want to be casual, a big round-front sneaker is a good option. There should be no break so you just get sole/idea of sneaker.

My collection

Old Celine: The first pair that got me going were a random, used Phoebe Philo purchase. It was not a thoughtful purchase; I think they were really cheap and I was curious. Turned out to be a miracle. They are not bright white; they’re ivory or sort of antiqued with a woven texture. And they have this heft to them. They’re cuffed, and the length shows enough ankle to feel intentional. They’re just so good all you need is a tank. I always get compliments. I went looking for a used pair for you, too, but had no luck. This Lee Mathews pair gave me a similar vibe, though. And there’s 26% linen. And you know what? This Benetton pair looks like it does it too.

Daniel Lee era Bottega Veneta (photo below with navy jacket): This was my second pair, and they first appealed to me because of how much I loved the Celines. I actually think I paid full price for them at Saks, which is something I rarely(ish) do. I remember that I made an appointment just to try them on after seeing them on the site. And they are a miracle. They’re bright white. The fabric is more like suiting than the Celines, but has a little of a technical quality, like a thick sail? (I’m imagining.) I have these hemmed to stay off the ground with a flat shoe. I’d honestly prefer them longer, but they’d be filthy all the time so I compromised.

Tibi bloomers: Bought in the deepest throes of my Tibi obsession. But oddly easy to wear. Especially in Miami.

Tibi Murray jeans: I bought a 28 (I’m generally a 6/29/M) and they hanggggg and don’t touch me. If you want to “show your shape” you won’t like these. Something high rise is far more flattering. But these have so much swagger. I feel phenomenal in them. They’re also easy to care for because they’re denim, even though they’re cut like a trouser. They’re sold in a lot of places, so if you’re not desperate, hang in there and they’ll be on sale. This is the “regular” length, which is shorter. I’m 5’6 on a good day and they’re great with flats, unhemmed.

(goes well with neon and wet hair!)

Goldsign x Netaporter cropped wide legs: What even are these? Every time I look at them I’m like: “Why do I have them?” And every time I wear them I love them. They’re good because they’re somewhere between pants and shorts — enough like shorts to blend with shorts people. I always loved them with boots in fall/winter. But I love them in Miami too. Here I have them with my gray Tibi sweatshirt and a men’s croc belt and bright white fishermans to kind of play with lots of neutrals. It’s raining and I didn’t want a draggy hem.

(If you want these, start with a full length wide leg jean and get them shortened to just past the kneecap.)

Merlette Sargent: I picked these out as a gift from the brand, and they’re pretty amazing. I took my usual size, but I’d actually like to go one size up. They’re the PERFECT shape, which is hard to find, and the perfect length, too. They are cotton, but not a pair of jeans. Plus they have these small details, like the paper bag waist, which looks so good with or without a belt. They look wrinkled here (just out of the box) but a little shower steam and wrinkle relaxer helped.

And a wild card. Not pants. Not true white. But these give me so much joy and all the white pants vibes! True story: I went into Dior in the morning to order something, and the guy was distracted and short with me. When I picked up my order in these shorts and an (old) white Bottega shirt he got this big smile on his face and was like a new person. I think I literally lightened his mood. I know I lightened mine. Message the owner, Lucia, to order.

Pairs well with

You’d think white pants go with everything — but I think … not so much!

• With other whites — ivory, cream etc. — I love, so sophisticated.

• With black brown and gray and khaki — also love. As always but especially with white pants, keep the shoe from matching the top. It can look babyish.

• Tread lightly with with primary colors and pastels. Olive or gray go great with those, but with white I struggle to make it not look basic. Think about a different texture, and/or adding another neutral or a second unexpected color into the mix. You can always fall back on an LMA.

• Also tread lightly with navy (can go very sea captain fast!). Here I like to add something unexpected and acid. I think it works because you’ve gotten very classic/heritage-y, so a neon is a good foil.

(Here are my Bottega buddies. With a Good American bodysuit that Klo isn’t making now. But her sister has a version!)

Keeping them clean

Bahahahaha. You can’t keep white pants clean while also living. If you’re buying white pants, you have to understand that. The other day I was in an all-white outfit feeling great and a friend’s dog jumped up to greet me. So they went to the cleaner’s. Do I want to be a person who’s not excited when a dog jumps up to greet me? No I do not.

That said, and since Clorox bleach sticks are no longer with us (RIP), I suggest the following:

Away game

• In a restaurant, excuse yourself to the restroom, taking your white cloth napkin with you (oh you remember how to be sneaky; you’ve had a million tampons up your sleeve)

• Flake off anything flake-able with a fingernail.

• Fully saturate the napkin with water and hand soap. Dab. Keep the dabbing area as teeny as possible to avoid a ring.

• Re-saturate with water. Dab. Rub with your fingernail and see how elbow grease helps. Repeat. Then dap with dry part of napkin.

• If anything remains, remember what you spilled and you’ll tell the dry cleaner.

Home game

• Start with the same process as above but instead of hand soap use dish soap and a white towel or washcloth, or a q-tip depending on stain size. Use fizzy water if you have it.

• Add to the dish soap a drop of the relevant Carbona stain remover.

• Start with the pants on, which makes it easier to get the fabric taut.

• On a true white denim you could try a little bleach on a Q-tip.

Underwear

White pants are not Fort Knox. Someone at some point is likely to see some outline of some body part. I told you: living on the edge! Who cares? Everyone is already aware that you have a) body parts and b) underwear (or not, no judgement!). Still, I’m going to assume you want to minimize the lines, etc.

• Get a pair of high rise underwear in your skin tone. If ever there were a moment made for Kimmy and her Skims, this is it. I have found her boy shorts and thongs both work well.

• White really shows under white pants, so you won’t want to distract with white underneath. To avoid a big hem line from tucking in a shirt for an all-white look, you can go for something cropped, use the elastic trick to “shorten” it and tuck it under itself, or tuck the top into the nude underwear (you may have to pull them up).

• Also, here’s yet an opportunity to appreciate my age! No period! If you have yours, and want to wear your white pants during it (mad props for you, rebel), and are not ok with stains (no shame, no assumptions), I’d give yourself an insurance policy with a pair of Thinx. (Oh wow, I’m just seeing they now handle bladder leaks too — this may soon be relevant all over again!)

And, belting

Belting is optional, always, loops or not. I would just say that it’s nice to have on hand a textured, light brown belt for when you want a subtle statement. And a simple white belt, for when you want your pants belted but don’t want to interrupt the cleanness

Did I leave anything out? LMK and I’ll address it. Otherwise, get your pants on and let’s order the Arrabbiata.