This resonated with me as your pieces usually do, but especially because it also brings up the thorny issue of can you afford it? Frankly it terrifies me to see people mortgaging their futures to obtain more and more really expensive stuff. Sure you may be able to sell stuff later, but the vast majority will not be a profit or even a break-even proposition. We have normalized high fashion because it is so attainable, 7 days a week 24 hours a day. Shopping should be a slow experience that considers all the points you listed and then says what (if anything) will I go without to have this?
That is so true. And you know it’s really interesting to me as a writer to note that I’m writing this from the perspective of midlife, where I’ve experienced over three decades of earning — but friends reading me could be just starting out. So what can I do not to normalize big purchases even when I enjoy them from the position I have created for myself over time. It’s a good thing for me to work on.
One caveat, at least for me, when shopping IRL, it is easy to get caught up in relationship with the personal shopper, stylist or shop owner. Ultimately their job is not just to expose you to something, but to actually sell you something. And while the good ones will steer you away from what may not be best for you, they still want you to walk out with a purchase.
It is easy to feel guilty about letting them down if you don’t. It becomes personal, which is both very good and very hard.
That is so true. I am very connected to people, so I can run into believing everyone has my best interest at heart. And I can feel guilty! I recently overheard one woman I shop with a lot tell another associate, "she likes to leave with nothing and think it over and come back if she wants -- she knows what she likes." I smiled!
Love the term "serendipity shopping" - I personally love virtual window shopping and I find a lot of fun in finding new brands or styles and adding them to my "wishlist" on sites like Shopbop or Netaporter. What has been challenging in the past is when a site like this will have a sale and I feel the sweaty FOMO of "what if this sells out or I never get it at this price again". I've fallen for this trick a few times, but am learning that there will always be sales and if it feels sweaty and stressful, you should just walk away.
I also completely agree that prices have made it hard to serendipity shop - when I'm on a tight budget, it's harder to justify purchasing a piece that you stumbled upon and gave you joy, because that ONE piece might be more than your entire shopping budget for the month. Or, you end up doing calculations in your brain like "Is this REALLY the one piece I want? Because if I buy it, I can't buy anything else for a while".
Yes yes to all of it. I notice how much more joy I get window shopping early in the morning, when the stores are actually closed and there's no possibility of catching someone's eye in there or going inside.
I live in Boston and also shop with a stylist at Saks. It has definitely opened me up to Serendipity Shopping too and made me enjoy shopping the way I did as a child when it was 'once in a while' and felt special. I enjoy thinking about this mindset!
I really love that perspective. It’s such a luxurious experience to have and it’s particularly strong when you have a meaningful relationship with your stylist and they are introducing you to new ideas.
This resonated deeply. I’ve also been thinking about having lost the joy of serendipitous discovery, and I actually think store culture is somewhat to blame. Since Covid, a sniping mentality has almost become mandatory before walking into a luxury boutique, since the doors are now roped off and sales associates will ask what item you’ve come to view. Then this conditioning trickles down into our other retail experiences…
That’s really interesting. The other phenomenon that has occurred is that we go into a store to see things in real life and then we get online to see if we can get a better price. It all ratchets up the intensity.
This is why I love to thrift! You never know what you’ll happen upon and the price is usually not a limiting factor. The thrill of the hunt or possibility of finding something I didn’t know I needed is so much fun.
Mar 13·edited Mar 13Liked by Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style
Love your article and I really miss those days where I spent Saturday afternoon shopping with my girlfriends in stores like Barneys New York, Louis Boston, Dover Street Market in Ginza or even Joyce in Hong Kong where you can discover unexpected items to pieces from up & coming designers that weren’t on my radar. Nowadays, every shopping district, every mall, every airport, in all major cities are all filled with the same luxury flagship stores. Aside from their out of reach price tags, you often have to queue up to get inside. And while lining up, some brands even asked you specifically what you are interested in. Like I need to make up my mind before entering. A total mood killer!
That's exciting! I hope they will have a great curated collections.
They have updated the Joyce boutique here in Hong Kong and they do have some unique pieces that weren't available from luxury flagships. There was this beautiful Alaia bag that I like but unfortunately it was cheaper to shop online instead. They aren't making it easy to lure us back physically to their stores.
I feel this so much. Some of the most cherished pieces in my wardrobe are things that I found while "serendipity shopping", and they are items that never would have made it onto a goal-oriented checklist. I still mourn the loss of Barney's because the buy was so well curated that shopping there was an act of discovery. I think social media contributes to the sniper shopping trend as well. As much as I love seeing what people are wearing, I don't love how easy it has become to simply click to buy what your favorite influencer has on to duplicate their look. It's sniper shopping, and it's not fun, or personal, or satisfying.
Wow, yes exactly. You are so right about Barneys, too. And when there was a real warehouse with sales. One of my (still) favorite pieces is a v neck olive sweater with a bit of a metallic thread that's Barney's label and that I stumbled on used. I will never part with that thing.
Your final note is simmering in me: “Shopping should be life-additive. When it isn’t, consider a change in approach.” I really like this meta-perspective on the whole shopping experience. If it’s stressful for me or brings up difficult feelings, something may be off and worth taking time to see how to make it more fun and pleasurable again.
So many ways to enjoy shopping that don't involve sniper gear! Love the analysis. While I generally stick to the spontaneous variety these days (and was recently reminded why after trying to track down a pair of Jil Sander shoes), there are some environments, like a vintage store where there is a "now or never" reality, that can make me feel a little impulsive. With that said, I am still thinking about those Veblen Gucci x Adidas pants...x
Reading your post reminded of the OG Matches...so sad to hear that it's going into administration. The store in London was the type of place you could shop serendipitously (if you could afford to) and it was accessible and reasonably welcoming even to window shoppers like me. Their online retail experience was pretty nice too...they used to have great editorials. I honestly have no idea how luxury retail in general is staying afloat at all these days, there are so many stores...the Singapore airport alone has two Louis Vuitton boutiques across two terminals and the rent there is notoriously high, just to name one example. Raising prices to enhance exclusivity (and in turn 'entry level' goods to the masses) while wooing the top 1% seems unsustainable and quite a turn off really...but what do I know?
Mar 13·edited Mar 13Liked by Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style
100% to all of this! Although I like to work off of a seasonal list, I also allow for considered happenstance finds because when you sometimes stumble upon a truly wonderful piece, you just know. And we should all make space in our lives and closets for these discoveries. Also I kind of want to retire the idea and usage of the "Holy Grail" wishlist item along with "Investment Purchases". :P
I love shopping in real life with no purpose but it’s not as fun as it used to be pre-covid. Also, in person shopping is much easier if you are single digit size. I am not (and try not to obsess)!!
Serendipity shopping still works for shoes, accessories and home goods (another passion!!)
Such a good point. I think you should come to Miami for serendipity shopping immersion. We will use a flooding treatment where I force you to shop used men’s clothes with me.
The luckiest person is the one who has you for a slow shopping companion. Best curator and most fun. XOXO
😂 thanks, Mom!
This resonated with me as your pieces usually do, but especially because it also brings up the thorny issue of can you afford it? Frankly it terrifies me to see people mortgaging their futures to obtain more and more really expensive stuff. Sure you may be able to sell stuff later, but the vast majority will not be a profit or even a break-even proposition. We have normalized high fashion because it is so attainable, 7 days a week 24 hours a day. Shopping should be a slow experience that considers all the points you listed and then says what (if anything) will I go without to have this?
That is so true. And you know it’s really interesting to me as a writer to note that I’m writing this from the perspective of midlife, where I’ve experienced over three decades of earning — but friends reading me could be just starting out. So what can I do not to normalize big purchases even when I enjoy them from the position I have created for myself over time. It’s a good thing for me to work on.
Most everything you’ve written rings so true.
One caveat, at least for me, when shopping IRL, it is easy to get caught up in relationship with the personal shopper, stylist or shop owner. Ultimately their job is not just to expose you to something, but to actually sell you something. And while the good ones will steer you away from what may not be best for you, they still want you to walk out with a purchase.
It is easy to feel guilty about letting them down if you don’t. It becomes personal, which is both very good and very hard.
That is so true. I am very connected to people, so I can run into believing everyone has my best interest at heart. And I can feel guilty! I recently overheard one woman I shop with a lot tell another associate, "she likes to leave with nothing and think it over and come back if she wants -- she knows what she likes." I smiled!
Love the term "serendipity shopping" - I personally love virtual window shopping and I find a lot of fun in finding new brands or styles and adding them to my "wishlist" on sites like Shopbop or Netaporter. What has been challenging in the past is when a site like this will have a sale and I feel the sweaty FOMO of "what if this sells out or I never get it at this price again". I've fallen for this trick a few times, but am learning that there will always be sales and if it feels sweaty and stressful, you should just walk away.
I also completely agree that prices have made it hard to serendipity shop - when I'm on a tight budget, it's harder to justify purchasing a piece that you stumbled upon and gave you joy, because that ONE piece might be more than your entire shopping budget for the month. Or, you end up doing calculations in your brain like "Is this REALLY the one piece I want? Because if I buy it, I can't buy anything else for a while".
Yes yes to all of it. I notice how much more joy I get window shopping early in the morning, when the stores are actually closed and there's no possibility of catching someone's eye in there or going inside.
I live in Boston and also shop with a stylist at Saks. It has definitely opened me up to Serendipity Shopping too and made me enjoy shopping the way I did as a child when it was 'once in a while' and felt special. I enjoy thinking about this mindset!
I really love that perspective. It’s such a luxurious experience to have and it’s particularly strong when you have a meaningful relationship with your stylist and they are introducing you to new ideas.
This resonated deeply. I’ve also been thinking about having lost the joy of serendipitous discovery, and I actually think store culture is somewhat to blame. Since Covid, a sniping mentality has almost become mandatory before walking into a luxury boutique, since the doors are now roped off and sales associates will ask what item you’ve come to view. Then this conditioning trickles down into our other retail experiences…
That’s really interesting. The other phenomenon that has occurred is that we go into a store to see things in real life and then we get online to see if we can get a better price. It all ratchets up the intensity.
This is why I love to thrift! You never know what you’ll happen upon and the price is usually not a limiting factor. The thrill of the hunt or possibility of finding something I didn’t know I needed is so much fun.
Totally agree! There is magic in it!
Love your article and I really miss those days where I spent Saturday afternoon shopping with my girlfriends in stores like Barneys New York, Louis Boston, Dover Street Market in Ginza or even Joyce in Hong Kong where you can discover unexpected items to pieces from up & coming designers that weren’t on my radar. Nowadays, every shopping district, every mall, every airport, in all major cities are all filled with the same luxury flagship stores. Aside from their out of reach price tags, you often have to queue up to get inside. And while lining up, some brands even asked you specifically what you are interested in. Like I need to make up my mind before entering. A total mood killer!
This! Omg yes. Could not agree more. RIP Louis! Kirna Zabete is opening in the Design District and I am praying 🙏 it’s inspiring
That's exciting! I hope they will have a great curated collections.
They have updated the Joyce boutique here in Hong Kong and they do have some unique pieces that weren't available from luxury flagships. There was this beautiful Alaia bag that I like but unfortunately it was cheaper to shop online instead. They aren't making it easy to lure us back physically to their stores.
That’s for sure. 🤦♀️
I feel this so much. Some of the most cherished pieces in my wardrobe are things that I found while "serendipity shopping", and they are items that never would have made it onto a goal-oriented checklist. I still mourn the loss of Barney's because the buy was so well curated that shopping there was an act of discovery. I think social media contributes to the sniper shopping trend as well. As much as I love seeing what people are wearing, I don't love how easy it has become to simply click to buy what your favorite influencer has on to duplicate their look. It's sniper shopping, and it's not fun, or personal, or satisfying.
Wow, yes exactly. You are so right about Barneys, too. And when there was a real warehouse with sales. One of my (still) favorite pieces is a v neck olive sweater with a bit of a metallic thread that's Barney's label and that I stumbled on used. I will never part with that thing.
Your final note is simmering in me: “Shopping should be life-additive. When it isn’t, consider a change in approach.” I really like this meta-perspective on the whole shopping experience. If it’s stressful for me or brings up difficult feelings, something may be off and worth taking time to see how to make it more fun and pleasurable again.
Hell to the yes. And you know, I feel the same about friendship. XO. Thank you for this note and for reading as always!
Yes, yes! I was thinking...this must be applicable to a lot of other areas of life. And, perhaps to all of life itself! XO
So many ways to enjoy shopping that don't involve sniper gear! Love the analysis. While I generally stick to the spontaneous variety these days (and was recently reminded why after trying to track down a pair of Jil Sander shoes), there are some environments, like a vintage store where there is a "now or never" reality, that can make me feel a little impulsive. With that said, I am still thinking about those Veblen Gucci x Adidas pants...x
😂 those were a moment! We will go again and they will be gone and there will be the possibility for a next moment 😘
Reading your post reminded of the OG Matches...so sad to hear that it's going into administration. The store in London was the type of place you could shop serendipitously (if you could afford to) and it was accessible and reasonably welcoming even to window shoppers like me. Their online retail experience was pretty nice too...they used to have great editorials. I honestly have no idea how luxury retail in general is staying afloat at all these days, there are so many stores...the Singapore airport alone has two Louis Vuitton boutiques across two terminals and the rent there is notoriously high, just to name one example. Raising prices to enhance exclusivity (and in turn 'entry level' goods to the masses) while wooing the top 1% seems unsustainable and quite a turn off really...but what do I know?
You know a lot and I agree. GIANT brand stores here and they are all splitting into two freestanding stores - men's + women's - to grow bigger still.
100% to all of this! Although I like to work off of a seasonal list, I also allow for considered happenstance finds because when you sometimes stumble upon a truly wonderful piece, you just know. And we should all make space in our lives and closets for these discoveries. Also I kind of want to retire the idea and usage of the "Holy Grail" wishlist item along with "Investment Purchases". :P
🥰 yessss. I love that you find this balance.
I love shopping in real life with no purpose but it’s not as fun as it used to be pre-covid. Also, in person shopping is much easier if you are single digit size. I am not (and try not to obsess)!!
Serendipity shopping still works for shoes, accessories and home goods (another passion!!)
Such a good point. I think you should come to Miami for serendipity shopping immersion. We will use a flooding treatment where I force you to shop used men’s clothes with me.
I’m IN! Can you see me in an oversized men’s Balenziaga t-shirt!!? 😳
With lipstick and pearls 😘