My New Year's Fleshrolutions: 19 ageless, non-cringe ways to lean into "sexy*"

*except ughhhhh need a better word

This Christmas, I participated in the advanced Jewish ritual of 2 movies in one day. We saw the Bob Dylan movie (so good). But also, before that, while my hub was at a meeting, I saw Nicole Kidman in Babygirl.

I’m still processing. Of course the big word is “provocative.” I suppose sexy at times but also sad, almost campy in moments (or maybe it’s just the sort of awkward realness of sex we don’t expect to see in movies) … and troubling. But I digested the clothing more quickly than I did the movie itself.

These clothes themselves are not “me.” They are ultra ultra femme, bodycon, and in so many ways both (for me) too subdued and too showy. Where I like “swagger,” what they offer is a wholly different confidence, a heat-seeking missile, a laser, a gun with a silencer. Precise, still, and clear.

Fleshly?

Yeah, fleshly. Look I don’t have the right word yet for this — thing that’s calling my name. Sexy feels wrong. So overt. Sexy gets at my worst fear — looking like I have no self awareness. Like I’m itching for attention. Uncomfortable in my skin. This is personal. I’ve said it before, but it merits repeating that I have nothing against anyone of any age looking overtly sexy. It’s just not how I feel like me.

That said, I do feel myself evolving into a place of more bodily self care and self awareness, into a place where I’m interested in looking and feeling unfettered, non comical (sometimes I’ve leaned very hard into playful and ironic), secure in my skin, cared for, maybe. Alive in the world. (Something I’m acutely aware of after experiencing a loss. And I realize likely some of what’s behind why this, why now.)

Sensual feels too corny! It’s a word that makes my skin crawl. Until writing this, I’d never heard this word, fleshly, but I like the simplicity and straightforwardness of it. Of the flesh. I like that. Characterized by indulgence of bodily appetites. I like that too. It doesn’t have to be lascivious (but it can be!); it can be as simple as wearing fabrics that feel good.

Recently, on one of her platforms (hard for me to ascertain where since I follow EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.)

Allison Bornstein

spoke about how some of her clients, specifically the midlife ones, expressed wanting to feel some form of “sexy.” And many of them referenced the character Sylvie in Emily in Paris.

Reading this and having watched that show, I conjured super low V-necks, sleeveless, tight pencil skirts. And the Google search found all of those things. I noticed overall that I didn’t love most of Sylvie’s looks, even though I had this really pleasing general memory of her style. So it was something else, then. I put together the ones I found more appealing than the rest: