How to try a "Yes-Buy" in your own closet in 5 steps

a "Yes-Buy" can even help with your no-buy

I’ve been talking about shopping a lot, and that might make you feel like shit for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re just starting a no-by, which I do believe can teach you something valuable! Or maybe you’re just so stunned by the state of the world, and shopping feels out of touch. Or maybe you’re just in a hard place financially (in which case, ask me about a Standing Coffee, so you can read for free). Or maybe you’re concerned that I have untreated shopping addiction (one person wrote this to me, and I got curious, and now I’m taking a course — which I’ll write about!). Anyway, because of all this, I thought it would be relevant, inclusive and useful to share how to do a Yes-Buy in your own closet.

What is a Yes-Buy?

In a moment of so many no-buys, a Yes-Buy is a different way I came up with to approach shopping thoughtfully. It involves a shift in thinking. A Yes-Buy operates on the foundation that restrictions make shopping take up too much room in our lives, and rather than training us to develop our thoughtful decision-making muscles, they just replace those developing muscles with short term rules. The result is often rebound binge shopping and/or a return to where we were before: with muscles undeveloped and without the tools to do something thoughtfully that will realistically remain a part of our lives in some way.

A Yes-Buy has at its foundation the idea that you can have whatever you want — but exactly and only what you really want. You have to actually want it. And you have to want it not just immediately but in the long-term. So the emphasis becomes learning to understand what you really want, and including a pause to be sure its a real want before going forward.

In month one of my Yes-Buy, my shopping was the same, quantity-wise, as in months where I was trying to restrict myself (in spite of it being a LONG, emotional month!), but I felt calmer, thought about shopping much less, and was much more self aware.

I get into the specific tools and tips here! And here. Practically, I think it boils down to two things: (1) tuning into real want (and listening to nagging reservations) and (2) that pause that enables tuning in — if you’re shopping automatically there’s no space to meaningfully assess the want.

I think you can probably learn a lot by sharpening those same muscles at home, without buying anything, and it will help you when you are inevitably out in the world, faced with “all the things.” You can experiment like this in one shot, or as often as you want. Basically what you’re doing is tuning into a full body yes ala

Allison Bornstein

— better understanding “want” - what actual want feels like, without reservations, while remaining in your pause from shopping.

Ready to try this?