Everything I bought in September. And my 20 takeaways from my CONSCIOUS CULLING. And 11 steps to doing your own.

PLUS: 8 things I asked the tailor to do. And October intentions.

Trigger warning: I lightly discuss body image/body positivity in a couple spots in this post.

[Ed note: I am sending this in the midst of traumatizing world and local news. Feel free to ignore it, escape to it, or do as you otherwise wish. For me, compartmentalizing is part of how I grieve and put one foot in front of the other. But that’s a place of privilege right now.]

I can’t believe August was ONE month. It felt like about 6. I think I stayed in 6 hotels. When I went to look back at last month’s shopping and intentions, I saw that I had called them August intentions instead of September ones. That makes sense. I was out of it and all over. But then September arrived. I was going home.

Let me start by saying this month is not tidy! Kinda like me.

Actually, wait. Let me start by saying what I’m doing in these monthly shopping roundups. Because the point evolves and will keep evolving.

Since the start of 2024, I’ve been shopping with intention, intention I put in writing. I’m not trying to stop shopping. Not only is that unrealistic for me; it’s also something I have no desire to do. Style, shopping, fashion, discovery and all its creativity and all the exploration, sharing, and writing around it are things I love deeply and things that will always be part of my life. I do, however want to approach it more the way I do with eating — which is conscientiously, joyfully, thoughtfully, guiltlessly, without shaming myself as “bad” and without feeling shaken or driven by something outside my essential self. (And the approach/feelings matter because of this, so this endeavor is not just about the quantity I BUY — although I look at that — but also about not engaging in intense, endorphin-y shopping behaviors.) And unlike my eating, which mostly impacts me, my shopping impacts the world for generations. I want to shop with an awareness of and sense of responsibility around this.

Back to this untidy month. It really breaks into two parts.

Part 1. SLINGSHOT SEPTEMBER

Calling it this because I was just so excited to return to the joys of home, cats, Miami that I kind of slingshot myself into the month with ZERO thought.

Not remembering that I live a 7 minute walk from the Design District. Like 7 minutes, door to door, to Miu Miu. I did not prepare.

Part 2. WHEN I GET MY WITS ABOUT ME

Halfway through the month it occurred to me that I was flying through the days without a plan, feeling rudderless and porous.

Panicking, I returned to something I did before when I was seeking a one-item month: I resumed keeping a shopping diary. Just a simple note in my Notes App, which works best for me. Titled “Shopping Diary“ so I can easily find it. Suddenly I was much more attuned and connected to what I was up to.

So here’s what I had set out to do for September:

• enjoy the feeling of reducing quantity and wearing my clothes

• get back to no online shopping on weekdays without exception

• continue to steer clear of shopping final sale items on TRR and elsewhere

• stop before shopping an influencer link — wait to be more aware and alert

And here’s what happened

Part 1. SLINGSHOT SEPTEMBER

• On Day 1 of September, I violated my own intentions. I read something by

  Viv Chen
  and immediately purchased a gift for a friend as a result. No, the purchase isn’t for me, and I’m glad I got it because it’s perfect for her, etc. What bothers me is HOW FAST and how seamlessly I clicked and bought based on an influencer rec. I really admire Viv’s style, self certainty (and writing!). I am just annoyed that on day one, I did something I set an intention not to do, you know? It made me realize that I need to do a better job of — being intentional about my intentions? (Oh dear G-d.) Just keep them someplace other than here in a newsletter I generally don’t re-read until it’s too late. Moving on.

• On day 5 of September, I was fully back in Miami and planned to meet a friend to “check out a new store” and get drinks/dinner. I set myself up! The high of being with my friend in Miami was like euphoric drugs (or like I imagine euphoric drugs). I was just gleefully flitting about this store. Danger! Before I knew it I bought

  • Saint Laurent glasses (rationale: they looked great on me and were on sale and I want some sexy glasses, whatever that means — I have so many glasses and so many waiting to become prescription glasses, too.)

  • A striped tank that reads Honor 1988 (rationale: the agency I founded is called Honor Code and ‘88 is my HS grad year! And it was practical for the climate and layerable, a kind of third piece. I don’t have many tanks. Haven’t worn it.)

  • Simone Rocha black tee with garter details (rationale: Light, practical, different shape for me and I LOVE garter/bondage type details. Haven’t worn it.)

All three items will get used, sure. And may even become go-tos. But I am reminded of this piece where

Leandra Medine Cohen

mused about something that she’d “wear the hell out of” but didn’t need to buy. I am thinking about this a lot. Just because you identify something as you, as great, as something you want to put on tomorrow and could deploy a million ways, that doesn’t mean you need to buy it. In fact, maybe it means you DON’T need to buy it. Maybe it’s too comfortable, not urgent, won’t push you.

Trying this Prada skirt thing

• On 9/6, I had an appointment at Prada. I wanted to look at some runway stuff that had come in. Specifically these partial pencil skirts with underskirts (be sure and watch them walk in both directions). Like, how did they even work? Spoiler alert: Obsessed. But I left to think it over and have a cooling off period. I looked up all the pieces I was considering online and took some time to be thoughtful. In the end I determined that the key, transforming piece was the half skirt with bustle. The underlayers were lovely but astronomical and not so special that I couldn’t replace them with say, vintage slips or a slip dress I already own. I bought only the partial skirt I loved.

• On 9/12 We flew to Boston because my dad was back in the hospital. I wrote a note in my Shopping Diary: “Dad. Flooded with desire to buy something.” By the time we headed back, he was heading home. Fluid in the lungs from the previous pneumonia bout. Roller coaster. But he is BACK, now. I am savoring!!

• 9/14, we’re flying back to MIA and I note that it’s been so rough with dad, so I feel “the world owes me shopping.” It’s the weekend when I am “allowed” to shop online. I hop on the Real Real saved searches in the airport and see

  • the Acne Studios capris (these) I’ve been wanting are finally there in my size. And then since, shipping, (FU TRR), I scroll all my wishlisted items and also buy

  • Prada pumps (now returned at a lost for shipping/restocking) and

  • sheer Margiela pants (rationale: I have been consumed with Margiela since seeing a show on him with my friend

    Christian Botefuhr
    — these are classic deconstructed Margiela, new with tags, and a riff on my obsession with sheer skirts I am dying to play with!)

Said Margiela pants.

The good news: I stuck to my intention not to buy anything Final Sale on TRR.

But instead of thinking “the world owes me shopping” after an emotional roller coaster, I would like to replace this tape in my head with “I owe myself a reprieve. I owe myself quiet time and self care.”

• On 9/20 I have a lunch date with my friend Wendy. I left it that we might go to Veblen and wanted to observe whether I got TOO excited about that, like how did that affect my mood? ALSO, I want to deepen my friendships. I don’t want to be a person that influences others to shop. I think happily, I was much more focused on Wendy than whether we’d go shopping! I love our 1 on 1 time. Afterward, we did go to Veblen, but I noted I didn’t feel the crazy adrenalin surge I did, say, arriving at the Ann Taylor outlet as a law student instead of studying for my Crim exam. I had planned in advance to be mindful of quantity and to insist on a full body yes with every/any purchase. And I was glad my head was in the right place. BUT that said, I bought a lot. I first scoured the entire floor and tried things on. Then I put everything I REALLY wanted on a rack. IT WAS A LOT, damn it. (My guide to secondhand shopping here. I wrote it right after this adventure — so it was … “research.” *sigh*) Honestly, I envisioned writing this September Purchases story at that point, how I would feel. I left half on the rack, and that was hard! I left things I loved and things I knew I would use ala the Leandra-ism above. Also, this was social shopping. The kind I love. Experiential, IRL, bonding. Like looking at art. Versus shadowy, intense, chips-in-the-mouth solo online shopping. Still. I bought

  • transparent clear MM6 dice earrings (like these) (rationale: just obsessed and they are a great size I don’t own)

  • these Balenciaga trompe-l'œil “denim” sweats, which feel like velvet (rationale: trompe-l'œil is something I deeply love! And love the idea of these for home and out, the most comfy “jean”)

  • Margiela clear runway PVC jacket (this) (rationale: Miami rainy season, plus the fit and price were great)

  • Balenciaga mens perforated tee (I think it’s this) (rationale: these shirts are core to my uniform; the mock-necks are my favorite, and I loved the heat-practical perforated detail; stop laughing)

  • A Balenciaga tee so long it inspired me to spend a day without pants (rationale: see above and the extra long length appealed to me to wear under sheer and cover my bum)

Part 2. WHEN I GET MY WITS ABOUT ME

It was the Veblen trip that, as (arguably) rational and social as it was, got me really nervous. The quantity. Also, prior to going back to Veblen, where there are always Balenciaga “uniform” shirts, I had wisely made a mental note that just because I love and will use those doesn’t mean I want to endlessly keep buying them. And then I did — selectively, sure, but I did. I was nervous. Also, I still had 10 days left in the month!

I started tapping into the Shopping Diary more. A few notes from this time (some were undated so I’m just bulleting them):

• “Also shrinkage losing my things” (this was about feeling like the more things you have, the more there is to keep track of)

• “Sometimes buying gifts and quote essentials seems to be a stand-in for emotional shopping and it probably activates some of the same something”

• “Saturday Real Real activated my desire to shop [ed note: I have implemented a “no online shopping during the week” practice.] I miss my walk with my dad. I said no to the Rose shirt. I said no to the non-returnable thing so that was good.” [ed note: I don’t even remember what these were, so that’s telling.]

• “Pinterest notifies me that certain items I have on saved boards go on sale and before I know what I am looking at them.”

• “Reading Substack + I learned that there’s been another Phoebe drop and I am immediately clicking before I know what I’m doing, but then I hurry + close”

• “Clicked onto a shoe from Laurel’s Substack and my stomach started to hurt… And went to a meeting.”

• “I want to get “my piece” from that damn Tibi capsule” [ed note: I did not - so far]

• “Google where to find Jamie Haller loafers oh wait that is actually shopping Rachel”

“CONSCIOUS CULLING”

The other thing I start in September is a massive taking of inventory. I desperately want to get a handle on what I own.

But I’m also calling it “Conscious Culling” because I wanted to bear something in mind that my friend

Tiia VM

has spoken to, and I am paraphrasing, but the idea that maybe we cull just to make room for more. Maybe shopping addiction necessarily keeps us in a state of constant culling.

So this time as I culled I wanted to be mindful of the why, why each item was moving on and what the takeaways were. I also wanted to take time to reflect on the joy of less versus viewing this as “a chance to now go and replenish.” Not the point.

Paying Subscriber Bonus: How to do your own Conscious Culling