Your empathy is palpable and I really appreciate how special that makes you. I’m a short Mexican woman who loves to dress up but I never want to dress to simple even if I feel like it because I don’t want people to ask me to clean their house; And I say this with respect to our worker because I’m a very hard working person who doesn’t find any job to be beneath me.
Dressing chill is a privilege and I’m so glad you pointed this out. I’ve always known you’re an amazing person and this is just an example of why 👏💗💕
I feel so moved reading this! I am a major work in progress but I know it is worth it to keep trying, and a note like yours makes me really feel that's true. XOXO THANK YOU
I realized a longgggg time ago that I will show up more ‘dressed’ than most others. It’s ok with me. Most of my clothes are casual or dressy depending on who’s judging. I just want to wear my clothes, accessories and stuff. I have started wearing my other clothes with my workout pieces as suggested by Tibi CMC code and I like that I’m wearing my ‘regular clothes’ more. I let people judge or not and just keep doing my thing.
I love this. What do you do when you show up more dressed and someone makes a remark like -- oh, are you heading to a party after this? I need to get some jovial comebacks ready.
i used to wear most of my clothes in my previous career as a barista, which was often more formal dresses than the jean cut offs of my coworkers. ((my undergrad was in the business of fashion)) people would often ask where i was going after my shift or say 'best dressed barista in town' which i didn't love either. i would usually say "i gotta use my degree somehow!"
which would help take the convo in a less, me and my appearance focused direction i found
Actually NO ONE has ever said that to me. I guess I don’t go that far out of the ‘guidelines’ but I know I am always going to be the one who is going to be more put together than most. But if someone did say something like that to me I would say, ‘better to be overdressed than not to have made an effort’ 😉
I too am a “not chill” girl who is constantly asked “why are you so dressed up.” Baby steps toward un-bifurcating (is that a word?) my closet. I appreciate your writing SO MUCH.
I love chill in dressing but I agree with you! I think for me it’s less about the aesthetic and more about the attitude -- the aversion to cliques and snobbery. I think gatekeeping is an attitude that could exist in in any aesthetic but QL can be especially grating and toxic because it’s like normcore - it only works if you’re conventionally attractive or have wealth as your weapon to say “you can’t sit with us”.
This is so great, love your work❤️. Not sure why but I have a negative gut reaction to approachable - I don't think I want to be considered approachable by the elitist/judgy people & no one else seems to care much about what I wear. I like "ease" because it goes inward & outward. My clothing has to have ease & I'm at ease & I put others at ease too.
I love the idea of approachable as a descriptive term. It’s warm where chill can sometimes be cold. It has an unjudgmental air about it. It’s relaxed in a friendly way.
This point about warm versus cold -- I totally agree. I was saying something like this to Jen P in the comments before reading this and you articulated that thought I was having so perfectly!
Love your thinking -- especially, as you know my affinity for fashion's role in shaping our identity (at all ages!) "I’m more focused than ever on the person in the clothes and who I want her to be."
Yes, too all of the above and after reading Shan I cannot unsee HMS - instead of the ship designation I’m thinking Her majesty’s style. All hail the Queen!
Finally got around to reading this, and it’s so so good. For so many reasons. Love your consistent honesty and thoughtfulness in which you explore the way we express ourselves xx
Great article per usual Rachel. All I know that I am 70 and so into looking good and myself because I love it and I must! I want to be able to talk to everyone and that is my armor, looking like I care about myself and them! Does this make sense? Have a wonderful summer in a climate where you can have lots of fun with your fashion.. Susi G
I always enjoy reading your columns. I like to dress with ‘ease’ regarding comfortable and also the appearance. Also, you have motivated me to push the envelope and have fun! Thanks for the reminder to ‘not judge’ xoxo
I love that you call these columns, first of all, you sweet human, you. Also love that you are my friend. And also also -- you have innate to die for style! Inspired every time I see you!
OMG YES. "I want a girl who can get all dressed up but also just hang and watch the Sox like one of the guys." Supposed to be chic at a moment's notice, ready for sexy time, and always low maintenance. But hey, no pressure! LOLZ.
Yes, your chill feels good on you, it's authentic, it's who you are. You seem to be so genuine. It's relaxed I think - like actually relaxed and warmly relaxed versus "cool."
Your empathy is palpable and I really appreciate how special that makes you. I’m a short Mexican woman who loves to dress up but I never want to dress to simple even if I feel like it because I don’t want people to ask me to clean their house; And I say this with respect to our worker because I’m a very hard working person who doesn’t find any job to be beneath me.
Dressing chill is a privilege and I’m so glad you pointed this out. I’ve always known you’re an amazing person and this is just an example of why 👏💗💕
I feel so moved reading this! I am a major work in progress but I know it is worth it to keep trying, and a note like yours makes me really feel that's true. XOXO THANK YOU
I realized a longgggg time ago that I will show up more ‘dressed’ than most others. It’s ok with me. Most of my clothes are casual or dressy depending on who’s judging. I just want to wear my clothes, accessories and stuff. I have started wearing my other clothes with my workout pieces as suggested by Tibi CMC code and I like that I’m wearing my ‘regular clothes’ more. I let people judge or not and just keep doing my thing.
I love this. What do you do when you show up more dressed and someone makes a remark like -- oh, are you heading to a party after this? I need to get some jovial comebacks ready.
Response: My whole life is a party! I make sure of it!
*People are boring, and they want you to be as well*
LOL -- I love that.
i used to wear most of my clothes in my previous career as a barista, which was often more formal dresses than the jean cut offs of my coworkers. ((my undergrad was in the business of fashion)) people would often ask where i was going after my shift or say 'best dressed barista in town' which i didn't love either. i would usually say "i gotta use my degree somehow!"
which would help take the convo in a less, me and my appearance focused direction i found
Actually NO ONE has ever said that to me. I guess I don’t go that far out of the ‘guidelines’ but I know I am always going to be the one who is going to be more put together than most. But if someone did say something like that to me I would say, ‘better to be overdressed than not to have made an effort’ 😉
Good point! I recently replied with "we can't all be as effortless as you."
Oh that good!!!!😀😉
I too am a “not chill” girl who is constantly asked “why are you so dressed up.” Baby steps toward un-bifurcating (is that a word?) my closet. I appreciate your writing SO MUCH.
You are amazing. And I think we would all be more inclined to play if everyone stopped asking why we're dressed up!
I love chill in dressing but I agree with you! I think for me it’s less about the aesthetic and more about the attitude -- the aversion to cliques and snobbery. I think gatekeeping is an attitude that could exist in in any aesthetic but QL can be especially grating and toxic because it’s like normcore - it only works if you’re conventionally attractive or have wealth as your weapon to say “you can’t sit with us”.
Yes, and I love the way you articulate this so much.
This was such a great read!
'Chill' has always felt like the new 'cool' to me. If you have to try to reach it, you're already failing. And I hate the clique-ness of it.
yes yes yes -- 10000%.
This is so great, love your work❤️. Not sure why but I have a negative gut reaction to approachable - I don't think I want to be considered approachable by the elitist/judgy people & no one else seems to care much about what I wear. I like "ease" because it goes inward & outward. My clothing has to have ease & I'm at ease & I put others at ease too.
You make a great argument for ease ... and I love that you care about the words as much as I do ;-)
I love the idea of approachable as a descriptive term. It’s warm where chill can sometimes be cold. It has an unjudgmental air about it. It’s relaxed in a friendly way.
This point about warm versus cold -- I totally agree. I was saying something like this to Jen P in the comments before reading this and you articulated that thought I was having so perfectly!
Love your thinking -- especially, as you know my affinity for fashion's role in shaping our identity (at all ages!) "I’m more focused than ever on the person in the clothes and who I want her to be."
I love that, too. And I love this age, because it feels like I have enough of a lens to think about all this stuff versus being so in the swirl of it.
Hey HMS, another insightful post that makes me think inward... thank you for sharing!
Yes, too all of the above and after reading Shan I cannot unsee HMS - instead of the ship designation I’m thinking Her majesty’s style. All hail the Queen!
LOL that is too funny. I typically feel more "court jester" but I'll take it XOXO :-)
Thank you so much for reading and for this note!
Finally got around to reading this, and it’s so so good. For so many reasons. Love your consistent honesty and thoughtfulness in which you explore the way we express ourselves xx
That is such a wonderful note -- thank you.
Great article per usual Rachel. All I know that I am 70 and so into looking good and myself because I love it and I must! I want to be able to talk to everyone and that is my armor, looking like I care about myself and them! Does this make sense? Have a wonderful summer in a climate where you can have lots of fun with your fashion.. Susi G
Not only makes sense -- I love it. I have phases where I really like everything polished. And it's a respect thing for myself and the world.
I always enjoy reading your columns. I like to dress with ‘ease’ regarding comfortable and also the appearance. Also, you have motivated me to push the envelope and have fun! Thanks for the reminder to ‘not judge’ xoxo
I love that you call these columns, first of all, you sweet human, you. Also love that you are my friend. And also also -- you have innate to die for style! Inspired every time I see you!
The tyranny of ‘chill’ and ‘effortless’ is real! But hard to articulate. Thank you for this.
Thanks so much for reading!
I wish I'd seen your “effortlessness” post before I wrote my own anti-effortlessness screed! It's not just fashion: effort has become a dirty word everywhere. Who are we kidding?https://nancyfriedman.typepad.com/away_with_words/2023/05/new-writing-on-medium-an-f-for-effortless.html
OOOh will be reading over coffee in the morning -- thank you for sharing!
OMG YES. "I want a girl who can get all dressed up but also just hang and watch the Sox like one of the guys." Supposed to be chic at a moment's notice, ready for sexy time, and always low maintenance. But hey, no pressure! LOLZ.
Yes, your chill feels good on you, it's authentic, it's who you are. You seem to be so genuine. It's relaxed I think - like actually relaxed and warmly relaxed versus "cool."
YAYYYYY! So excited for you.